Fi Fy Fo Fum

June 21, 2020

The Apparition, shrouded in white, said, let’s raise our hands in prayer. Let’s not be afraid. Let’s kill the traitors, before the virus kills us.

(An emergency meeting of the cabinet was called by the special adviser to the PM, Abu bin Bani Al-Gala. All the SOPs were observed. The serious matter of the breach of state security by Ms Kardar was discussed.

Mr Al-Gala had originally arrived in the capital in a suit case from Pak Pattan. Some would argue that this mode of travel is no different from the other arrivals including the PM. We would like to emphasize, that the said person never used a parachute as a means of transport, has never been on the ECL, has never lived beyond his suit case and is on the same page.

His only previous address is a lamp located in Baghdad and owned by Messrs Aladdin Ltd. It is no longer his domicile.

After the recitation from the holy books, the agenda was introduced. It was noted that there is increasing pressure from the opposition for Mr Al-Gala to resign, after the mischievous and subversive phone call by Ms Kardar which was recorded by the sensitive circles who are the best in the world among men and among djinns; and who have their ears to the ground, most of which they own.

The Apparition, shrouded in white, said, let’s raise our hands in prayer. Let’s not be afraid. Let’s kill the traitors, before the virus kills us. Let’s appoint our ex partners, their cousins and their second cousins to the positions of power, as they all keep social distance and drive cool cars. They believe in exogamy as commanded by the Creator. They don’t believe in the half-baked theory of evolution or the unbaked discipline of virology.

The cabinet endorsed the view of Mr Al-Gala, that the only way out of the current predicament is smart black magic and not a dumb lock down. The committee thanked Allah SWT, that we are not in the situation of New Zealand where the prime minister dances a dance of abandon and depravity when the whole country is convulsed with two dangerous patients arriving on an airplane. There was a unanimous vote of thanks for Maulana Croc T Jamil who has controlled the dancing of women in the country with meticulous testing and tracing. His team is working on jahalat. As soon as jahalat and dancing is controlled, Corona will go away and we shall have a joy ride in JF Thunder. Inshallah.

The committee entrusted Mr Al-Gala to send a clear and stern message to Ms Kardar, via text, intimating her that divulging any sensitive information can lead to a visit from Ms Ritchie. She should wear sack cloth and ashes and feed the nearest Corona Tiger, some halal meat. May Allah forgive her trespasses and allow her to re-enter the fold of text messages. Islam is a religion of peace.

Raw meat, originating from a black goat was served to the participants who used a sanitiser to sanitise the news followed by a collective singing of:

Fi Fy Fo Fum

I smell the blood of a Desi Man

Be he alive or be he dead

To Kot Lakhpat, he will be led.

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Fi Fy Fo Fum